Puzzled

[I share with you a short story I wrote called Puzzled…]

Where is grass that lies beneath my feet and tickles my toes? Where is the blue sky that I gaze upon when I daydream about marching daisies and candied tulips? Where is the old cottage that whispers to me when the wind blows through it? Where is the ladybug that sits on the third petal of the third daisy in the garden?

Today, my world is hard and I miss what I have come accustomed to seeing and smelling and enjoying. I miss what I have grown to know and I close my eyes and wish that my dull brown day would leave me. Please, give light to my sunshine.

My little black puppy frolics about biting and taunting the laces of my boots, as he so loves to do. How can he be so unfazed by this darkness that surrounds us? Does he not sense this nothingness? How such a simple thing like a leather boot lace can bring him so much joy, I don’t understand. But secretly I wish that I could find contentment and joy in such a simple thing.

In desperation I plead, “Please deliver me from this fog. Open my mind and allow the light back into my world, my life! Let me smell the tall grass and feel the sting of the caterpillars that fall from the trees. Let me taste thick, hardened sap from pinecones and whistle with acorn tops. Let this brown stiffness give way to the soft blue light of day.”

My body falls, then my eyelids fall and I succumb to the shadow and allow it to embrace me… to hold me still and quiet.

As I sit still in the darkness, the air around me becomes cold. A large shadow makes its way over me. My somberness turns to fear as my brown world becomes black from the shadow. The depression and sadness that had overtaken my life had just gotten worse. Darker. And I couldn’t help but wonder if I had done something to summons this blackness, this desperation, this depression.

My breath is short and my heart screams as panic sets in. I want to run but am frozen under the shadow that reaches down towards me from beyond. As I tighten my jaw and close my eyes tight, I feel my body tensing.

A strong current of air blows through my hair and then settles. With a dreadful foreboding I slowly open my eyes.

In amazement, I stare at the old cottage, again standing before me, that whispers when the wind blows through it.

The brown hardness is to my right and left, but behind me – and I head towards the cottage. I notice now the yellow patterns that peek from beneath the white paint chips on the walls, as I approach the front steps.

Again, I am taken back with a fierce gust of wind followed by a black cloud. I kneel and take cover holding the back of my head in both hands.

Not knowing what to expect, I release my head and turn to find a ladybug sitting on the third petal of the third daisy in the garden, next to the cottage.

Again – harsh winds and darkness – again and again, but I learn to not fear it and I hold on to myself finally understanding that all I have to do through the darkest of times is keep breathing… breathing… and that eventually, those things that are familiar to me and happy for me, will return.

I sit back in the grass and let the blades tickle my toes. I am elated that the hard, brown background that had surrounded me earlier had allowed the sunshine back in – even guided it with an outline.

My breath is not just for the purpose of getting by, but to breathe the beauty of the flowers. I listen to my puppy nipping and barking at my laces until…

I am suddenly startled by voice that seems to come from far away, but is still booming.

“Gracey…  I’m glad that you were able to put your country cottage puzzle together by yourself. But please put it away now. It’s time for dinner.”

[Were you surprised by the narrator of the story?  Stay tuned to the next blog, when I reveal who the speaker really is…]

Begrudgingly,

BB